A beautiful winter afternoon. The small theater of Pine Avenue has only 150 seats. A troubling play, just like its title may evoke. Three actors, two men and a woman, all splendid. Without knowing it, I was about to live a unique experience that would change my views on theater. My attitude to the movies and which has not changed is very different from that with theater. At the movies, it is easier to get in the mood. Perhaps, it is because of the surrounding atmosphere of the sound and music, the picture and the size of the screen. The fact is that you are totally invaded and surrounded by the atmosphere as if you were sucked up into that universe. Watching a play is a different feeling and more difficult. Somewhere in the play, I feel when I am less receptive, more watchful. Then I stiffen up and feel afraid to let go. I get a bloc between reality and imagination. I am not going to theater as often as I which not because I have lost any interest in it, but purely for financial reasons. But this afternoon, something very special has happened.

It was a Saturday in January 1990. It has been a long time and I did not remember the whole plot. Ten years have passed, but I had a strange feeling of proximity. Although I went to this hall only once, the actors and spectators were very close to each other. Even the sound of the sets were present in my mind, vibrating to the characters' emotions, thus creating a troubling dimension. Not only were they closed in, but also knocking on the steel walls, expressing their frustration and rage.

I recall Luc Picard, but his image was blurred. All I remembered was a mix of sadness, furor and anguish. That's all.. As for Paule Baillargeon I had an impression of fragility being on the verge of insanity and also a bit irritation due to her age. This character in her mid-forties mingling with two younger men left me with a funny taste. I believe that this kind of atmosphere was intended and it worked well.

Of Roy's character, all that I could remember was his extreme violence and his bestial sexuality, his fits banging against the steel walls and his torrid grabs...Specially the scene where he was caressing Hélène lying on a table, while covering her body and possessing her and then killing his own brother with an axe...Then I asked myself what in the world I was doing in there unable to do anything...Impossible to run away, to get back to reality; he has succeed where others has failed as I was body and soul part of this universe, again unable to determine what was real or fake, true or false. I was mesmerized.

No doubt, the actors had to be in connivance as the situation was truer than reality. It was his great energy that Roy was able to communicate to the others in most remarkable and powerful moments.

I had the same feeling as a child, I was playing war, it was not a play; I was at war. My life was in peril. Same experience, same emotion, real but not real. On the brink of two worlds. I was not ready to forget this actor. I would remember his name for the rest of my life. He was so clever and skillful to be able to portray someone else, not only by acting, but by becoming another human being.

Recently, I had the pleasure of finding a copy of the script. The main theme, being the lovers' eternal triangle, insinuates incest, brotherly incest...of twins. The twins' last scene is particularly demanding, when Luc is trying to force his brother to admit that he loves him...while the other is denying it, each one claiming his desire and repulsion, both armed with an axe, whirling in a morbid dance which will lead to their murdering act. The language used then is not as poetic as the one used at the beginning; it became more relentless, sharp as the blades of their axes. There is something that I have forgotten, and this is bothers me: I do not recall the expression of their faces and all that I can remember is the fire lit up during their fight. A strange mix of passion and death, and always Roy's ability to reach for the best in his opponent to stimulate his own ardor. When I came out of the theater, holding my boyfriend's arm, my other hand in my coat pocket, caressing the program of " Un oiseau vivant dans la gueule", showing a name printed in black ink, but engraved in gold letters in my heart, a member of the cast, almost unknown, a young guy that already knew what an actor is supposed to be. Roy was 26.

Just a word about shows' poster. I am referring to La Presse publicity of Saturday January 27, 1990. I love those flashbacks. It is like picking up pieces of time, it does not seem important but it is most rewarding. On the picture, Luc is on the left, showing his profile, his eyes are closed, his head lightly backward. Roy is behind him, sticking to him, his body in a position which leaves no doubt about his intentions, holding him up with his right arm around Luc's neck. Roy is looking to his brother although because of the camera angle it is not so clear. Roy's hair is short, bushy and curly. He was young and beautiful like a wild beast.

They are physically different although of the same height. Luc's hair is curly and long, but flat on his head when shorter. When he combs his hair back as in the play, his face becomes tougher with his dark brown eyes. I love his voice. His whole body is harmonious, energetic, nervous with sharp reflexes, a feline's body.

We know Roy. His curly hair that makes him look like a perverse angel with the eyes and the body of a tiger. The same proud walk, totally conscious of his strength, his power, his charisma. He is not to be defied because of his imposing stature.

Look at the poster...In his pursuit for the desirable person and regardless of his sex, one will become androgynous. I have noticed such impulses from both sexes. I was always fascinated by this phenomenon, fascinated and confused, surely because of his alarming charm which is bewitching. He must be very conscious about that.

It is a terrific picture. I do not know who snapped it but this exact moment reveals the climax of the scene where the brothers appear. The desire in Roy's look and the submissiveness of Luc imprisoned in his arms show clearly the paradox of Luc's surrender and the satisfying of his own desire. What was acquired by force could also have been achieved without it. The emotion suggested here is worth a thousand words.

Other details regarding this poster. I have read somewhere that the original publicity for the show was more sober. A black title on a white background, the cast, the dates, that's all. And a few days after the premiere, the publication of the brothers's troubling picture had alarmed the newspapers. I have also noticed that the play left no one indifferent and many were troubled or shocked. Robert Lévesque, Le Devoir critic was quoting: " Between modesty and indecency...Delisle's play is furious, raging, cathartic poem. You must be more than willing to agree to her proposal". ( Le Devoir, 91-01-19). Then Gilles Lamontagne, La Presse reviewer, spoke of Roy's work as follows: " According to me, Roy Dupuis gives us the best performance that reveals his full potential. His chest thrown out, his voice stretched, his eyes as if under a spell, he brings to Adrien, an amoral character, just what is needed for evil beauty (La Presse, 90-01-20).

As I said before, I don't see that many plays. But in all theatrical performances I expect to be surprised, shaken up, awakened if not enlightened. Un oiseau vivant dans la gueule is a rare occasion, with special chemistry, the crystallization of an exceptional moment with a good script, good director and marvelous actors. Contrary to Robert Lévesque, famous critic at Le Devoir, who was quoted previously, famous for his vitriolic style, I prefer Luc Picard as Roy's protagonist and because of their physical differences, I can imagine them best attracted to each other, with a wild affection. The bloody finale clearly demonstrates the absurd desire which is overwhelming them. I also recall Roy's comments when interviewed in Elle Québec, following the Being shoot, saying that this kind of universe left him with a feeling of death, because being attracted by someone of the same sex could only bring a sensual feeling without leading into a new life. Perhaps male homosexuality is always a mixture between eros and thanatos. A damned love. But it does not take away the desire.